A snake by any other name is still a snake

I believe we have previously discussed my intense dislike of snakes.

READ: Can your hear the snakes calling?

But it is August. Everyone’s gone on holidays, including politicians. The news is slow. So we’re going to talk snakes again.

I told you last year about the shy pet snake named Murphy who was on the loose in Ottawa. BTW he was never found, just in case any Ottawa residents were beginning to rest easy again.

And just this week a ball python was found poking out of a sewer gate in Toronto. Apparently the python’s head was caught in a grate near a gas station. The gas station attendant described the snake as “beautiful”, an opinion with which I heartily disagree.

The snake has been rescued and sent to a reptile sanctuary. I don’t know where this sanctuary is, nor do I want to. The last thing I need to know is that I am in the same country as a reptile sanctuary. Shudder.

The theory is that rather being a python on the lam, this was once a pet snake but the owner couldn’t care for it anymore and just let it go. Shudder again.

We also found out that Toronto has a much more lenient snake growth policy than Ottawa.

In Ottawa you are not allowed to own a snake which measures longer than two metres. In Toronto, the limit is three metres. Three metres of snake!

I know Toronto always feels it needs to be the best at everything, but really, there is no particular cachet in allowing bigger snakes than your neighbours.

Deal with your feelings of inadequacy another way, Toronto.

Just a few weeks ago, an alligator was found swimming in a pond in a Chicago park.

The gator was quickly dubbed ‘Chance the Snapper’, a play on Chance the Rapper.

Other suggested names for the five foot lizard were Ruth Gator Ginsberg, Croc Obama and Frank Lloyd Bite.

Once again, the theory is that Chance was someone’s pet before it was released into the lagoon. But what were they thinking? Obviously the gator grew too large for its home, but didn’t they realize that in releasing him into a pond, he would grow even larger, and might pose a danger to others?

Chance was actually settling in quite well to life in the pond before he was captured by an alligator expert hired by the City of Chicago. I don’t know how well he would have done once the Chicago winter set in, but he doesn’t have to worry about that now. He’s been sent to a lizard refuge in Florida.

Apparently there are refuges for snakes and lizards everywhere.

Chance the Snapper’s memory lives on in Chicago though. You can buy a bobble-head doll of him should you desire.

Nobody suggested any names for the Toronto Python.

But I’m not the only person who ever thought of naming a snake.

A quick check around the internet offered plenty of suggestions.

How about William Snakespeare?

Danger Noodle. I like that one.

Nope Rope. Sums up my feelings very well.

Rumplesnakeskin

Coca Cobra

Julius Squeezer, or Ebenezer Squeezer

Reese Slitherspoon

David Hisselfoff or Hissy Elliot

Rocky Bal-Boa

Sir Francis Snake

Harvey Slimestein. Appropriate.

But, a snake by any other name is still a disgusting, slithering, abhorrent reptile.

Shudder.



carolyn.grant@kimberleybulletin.com

Like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter

Just Posted

The latest EKASS survey confirms a steady decline in substance use among EK youth over the years. (image compilation via Pixabay)
Latest survey shows steady decline in adolescent substance use over the years

Starting in 2002, the survey has been conducted every two years to monitor changes in substance use patterns, attitudes and behaviors amongst East Kootenay youth.

The Aquatic Centre at Western Financial Place.
Cranbrook Aquatic Center to close temporarily

The annual shutdown of the Aquatic Center at Western Financial Place will begin earlier than scheduled this year and does not have a defined end date at this time.

Residents line up outside the Vernon Recreation Complex for their COVID-19 vaccine Saturday, June 5. (Jennifer Smith - Morning Star)
No appointments necessary for first dose COVID-19 vaccine: Interior Health

People can just show up at clinics, register on the spot and get the shot

Ryan McKenzie of the Kimberley Trails Society made an in-depth presentation to City Council describing the initial steps of the Electrify the Mountains eBike trails project. This is a look at the project one map.
Kimberley City Council hears details on Electrify the Mountain project

At the meeting of City Council on Tuesday, June 8 Ryan McKenzie… Continue reading

The Kimberley Public Library invites kids of all ages to join the 2021 BC Summer Reading Club. Kimberley Public Library file
Kimberley kids invited to join summer reading club at Public Library

The Kimberley Public Library invites kids of all ages to join the… Continue reading

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau participates in a plenary session at the G7 Summit in Carbis Bay, England on Friday June 11, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Canada donating 13M surplus COVID-19 vaccine doses to poor countries

Trudeau says the government will pay for 87 million shots to be distributed to poor countries

Premier John Horgan speaks as provincial health officer Dr. Bonnie Henry, right, and health minister Adrian Dix look on during a press conference to update on the province’s fall pandemic preparedness plan during a press conference from the press theatre at Legislature in Victoria, Wednesday, Sept. 9, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Chad Hipolito
B.C. officials to provide details on Step 2 of COVID reopening plan Monday

Step 2 could allow for larger gatherings and a resumption of recreational travel

Indigenous Services Minister Marc Miller is seen during a news conference, Wednesday May 19, 2021 in Ottawa. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Adrian Wyld
Indigenous child-welfare battle heads to court despite calls for Ottawa to drop cases

Feds are poised to argue against two Canadian Human Rights Tribunal rulings

The Great Ogopogo Bathtub Race has been held in Summerland as a fundraising event. Do you know which Canadian city introduced this sport? (Black Press file photo)
QUIZ: A summer’s day at the water

How much do you know about boats, lakes and water?

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good
Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

Two-year-old Ivy McLeod laughs while playing with Lucky the puppy outside their Chilliwack home on Thursday, June 10, 2021. (Jenna Hauck/ Chilliwack Progress)
VIDEO: B.C. family finds ‘perfect’ puppy with limb difference for 2-year-old Ivy

Ivy has special bond with Lucky the puppy who was also born with limb difference

A million-dollar ticket was sold to an individual in Vernon from the Lotto Max draw Friday, June 11, 2021. (Photo courtesy of BCLC)
Lottery ticket worth $1 million sold in Vernon

One lucky individual holds one of 20 tickets worth $1 million from Friday’s Lotto Max draw

“65 years, I’ve carried the stories in my mind and live it every day,” says Jack Kruger. (Athena Bonneau)
‘Maybe this time they will listen’: Survivor shares stories from B.C. residential school

Jack Kruger, living in Syilx territory, wasn’t surprised by news of 215 children’s remains found on the grounds of the former Kamloops Indian Residential School

Most Read