Talking turkey for chicken feed

Well he did it. U.S. President Donald Trump pardoned a turkey. No, not Sheriff Joe Arpaio. That was earlier this fall.

But this Tuesday, Trump kept with Presidential tradition (you know he’s big on that — just a second, got to pick up my eyeballs, they rolled away) and pardoned two Thanksgiving birds, named Drumstick and Wishbone, at the Whitehouse.

This particular tradition hasn’t been around all that long. Although a few presidents have kept with it from the 1940s, it only became de rigeur for presidents with George H.W. Bush, who was the first president to actually formally pardon the fowl.

So, it’s not a long standing tradition, like say a President releasing his tax returns, but Trump is all about tradition. When it suits him.

Apparently, once pardoned, the turkeys get to live out their existence in a bucolic site of poultry perfection on a farm somewhere. I wonder if it’s the same farm where my parents said my dog went? Hey, Drumstick, Wishbone, if there’s a white dog named Kelly there, tell him I miss him!

But let’s talk turkey Twitter. Because you know Twitter wasn’t going to let the beauty of a Trump turkey pardon go unmentioned.

What’s the difference between #Trump and a turkey? asked @johnlundin. One is a loud, ugly, stupid creature.The other is a bird.

Sure, Sure, Drumstick got a pardon, but I’m hearing that Mueller flipped him months ago. He’s been wearing a wire to all cabinet-level meetings since. @JeffMacisHere

@Cory_Grogg. Trump only pardons the white meat.

For the first time in history, the turkey being pardoned will be more intelligent than the person pardoning it, says @brandon2479

@Tarence_tf

Trump is already seething about the turkey’s lack of gratitude

The above tweet, of course, refers to Trump allowing himself to be sucked into a Twitter war with none other than self-aggrandizing basketball dad, LaVar Ball this week.

The story is that one of LaVar’s sons travelled to China last week with his UCLA basketball squad and stupidly shoplifted sunglasses with two of his teammates. They were placed under house arrest and could have been in for a world of hurt. However, they were released by the Chinese government. Trump, who was in China at the time, said he got them set free. He and only he. No one else had anything to do with it. Only Trump. And he tweeted that they better thank him. The players did thank him at their mea culpa press conference. But then LaVar tweeted that Trump didn’t really do all that much.

And Trump took offence and the bait. Thus they tweeted back and forth about who was responsible for what — two ego-driven, publicity-obsessed turkeys going at each other.

It was so undignified that at Fox News anchor (Fox News!! excuse me, gotta go grab my eyeballs again) chided Trump for the unpresidential nature of the tweets.

And a Trump parody account had this to say:

Now that the 2 turkeys, #Drumstick & #Wishbone are off the menu & saved from being eaten, Gravy, the father of Drumstick, is unaccepting of what I did for his son & that not cooking him isn’t a big deal. Shoulda eaten them!

It hadn’t stopped by Wednesday morning. Instead of wishing Americans a Happy Thanksgiving, Trump chose instead to continue his feud with LaVar Ball, comparing him to a “poor man’s Don King”.

Trump only stopped when the golf course beckoned.

LaVar Ball, meanwhiloe, almost as addicted to the sight of his own name in print as Trump is, will sit back and count his money as his shoe brand Big Baller gets unpaid advertising to the extreme — which could have been his plan all along.

So, there you have it, a tale of Thanksgiving turkeys.

But it’s a good thing that Trump is sharpening his pardoning skills. All signs point to him having to draw on them in the near future.