Cranbrook, you’ve gone too far!

You should be grateful for tourists stopping in Kimberley!

The only thing wrong with this out of date sign is that it should read 'Kimberley — All Roads Lead To It!'

The only thing wrong with this out of date sign is that it should read 'Kimberley — All Roads Lead To It!'

Carolyn Grant

No, Cranbrook, you have gone too far!

I am lying here in my hospital bed! My hospital bed! Yet I find I cannot face surgery without addressing this egregious, calamitous, preposterous obloquy to our fair community, which has existed here, far, far above you, I might add.

Since we are so far above you — the highest city in B.C., Cranbrook — we are going to take the higher ground. The higher ground, Cranbrook!

We have no need to troll for your tourists, Cranbrook. These tourists are coming here! Tourists come to Kimberley for nature, for good times, for athletic winter pursuits. They come to Cranbrook to get gas. You are oh so good at that Cranbrook. And even then, you must entice Kimberlites — not Kimberlarians, as you so insulting name us  — down to Cranbrook by offering one cent a litre less than we do. Why else would we want to leave our pristine wilderness, where wildlife and humanity exist in perfect harmony, to venture into your urban sprawl, where urban sprawling deer run amok! So there, Cranbrook!

Our tourists, Cranbrook, are of a higher quality than that!

As for the sign at the Wasa junction, which you seem so jealously and defensively protective of, I suspect it is because you do not want these tourists to see your sewage ponds at first sight. But as I said, we’re taking the high road here — and I do not mean Gray Creek Pass! A detour through Kimberley en route to Cranbrook refreshes the mind and spirit of those tourists — a brief sojourn beside a cooling mountain stream before they descend to the concrete jungle that is your Strip.

Our lovely Platzl puts tourists in the mood to spend good Alberta money all over the region, that’s what makes our Platzl great! A whole that is greater than the mere sum of its parts, Cranbrook. The tourists then are in the mood to take your sinkhole tour, your pothole’s greatest hits.

As for the Kimberley/Cranbrook rivalry, not the Cranbrook/Kimberley rivalry as you so condescending venture to label it — rivalry suggests equality, and as we discussed, we are too far along the high road to mention that any further.

Oh, one further thing, Cranbrook. Go Dynamiters Go!